We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
