he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
