OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
