1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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