i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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