just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I touched a dick in church today
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
