Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
