forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
