Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
