I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
