watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
