Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I could fuck to npr.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
