My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize