I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
4 words: hood of his car
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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