I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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