you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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