dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
