Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
