I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
