so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
