Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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