My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize