Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
