i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
