only if we run a train.
done.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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