i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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