the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
