I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
