Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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