Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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