Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
