Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize