she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pooping to opera.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
