She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
