Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
