Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
