Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
