my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i came on her dog
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
