he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize