I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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