No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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