I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its liver damage thursday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
