There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
