end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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