I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
