I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
