I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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