he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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