she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
