Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All the doctor said was why
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
