my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
40s are totally the cure
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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