he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
