Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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