It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
