He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
