after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
