My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
