some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I deserve this hangover.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
