Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
