he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
