your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
