Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have grass duct taped all over my body
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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