How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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