I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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