dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
