Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
