The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
