return my video game
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
