My nipple is on Facebook.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
