You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
