you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
